The day I start going to sleep early, will be the day I stop crying myself to sleep. I hate it. I hate it so much. It makes me feel vunerable. And that sucks because I'm suppose to be a strong person and this makes me think that maybe I'm not at all strong. What is wrong with me? I'm mean seriously. Why? Why don't I fucking matter? Maybe I'm really not good enough afterall. Like seriously. That must be it. Because I just don't fucking get it. I miss you so much. I wish you knew. I miss you so so much it fucking hurts. Maybe you just need to realize it. Realize all the shit I've done. Realized everything. I read something today and it goes like this. "A man asked a boy, "what is love?" And he replied saying, "love is when a puppy licks your face." The man laughed but then the boy continued saying "even after you left him alone all day.". I guessed I'm the puppy. Sigh. Please realize. Please please please please please. Do you know that I sometimes don't go to sleep with my bear because every single time I hug it to sleep, Its like I imagine it was you and the reason sometimes I don't go to sleep with it is cause I got to thinking and thought I don't want to hug you today because it makes me sad. Please realized. Please please. I need money so bad. So I could take you to concerts. Remember Alesana? Yeah, the concert was on September, I bought the tickets in fucking December 2010. Yes we broke up by then. But I thought, maybe. Maybe there's a possibility that you and I. We're still connected. I've never given up. I've never give up hopes on us. You don't even know it. You didn't even know I bought those tickets for us. You didn't even know how badly I wanted to spend time with you. I didn't told you. I told you my bro got extra tickets. Hah, who am I kidding. That concert wasn't all that fun with us argueing. But the most hurtful part was when you didn't appreciate it. You didn't fucking appreciate the fucking ticket. You thought it was NOTHING. You talk as though it was a extra ticket that didn't want to go to waste. Even after I said I did a fucking lot just to get those from my bro. Le sigh. The things I do for love. Lol fuck myself. Lol I should really private my blog. Cause my posts are really starting to get real personal. Hais. Takpe lah. Aku kan siapa. Aku tak penting. Tak penting langsung. Semua orang dalam dunia ini lagi penting dari aku. Aku tak kisah kalau kau fikir macam gitu.tapi favor uh.seriously favor uh, jangan buat aku macam tali pinggang kau, gunakan bila diperlu sahaja. Omg see, I speak malay already sia. Wtf. Shit. Alahai. God, please please please please please I'm begging you, please. Make him realize. Because I love the fuck outta him. K, as soon as I get out of mobile blogging, imma delete or private this shit. Haha, feel so emogirl suddenly. Lol, whatever happen to fuckitbandgeekgirl.