Aryats hot for words

2012-03-11T02:25:00.001+08:00

He finally said it. He realized now. I don't know what triggered it but he realized. He's sharing the blame. Even though we're broken up its still good to hear those words. Unbelievable coming from him... Brought me to tears. "Never thought i would say this but im really trying my best to hold my tears. Maybe something along the way went wrong. I was too caught up with things that i forgot what you really meant too me. Im so sorry. Reading what you sent really makes me feel guilty and stupid. All along, it was really just my fault. Sorry. I hope my name remains the same on ur phone :') I still wanna hang out with you
. I really really really love you. Get well soon pls ". And "Ok i gotta admit..i was actually crying. Im really sad that we have to end this. I dont know what to say. Just dissapointed in myself. " and "I would love to read everything you wrote. I hope you wont delete them and all the pics on fb. Unless ur future boyf ask you to. I think you waited long enough. I was the one taking advantage of you. I would really like to turn over a new leaf. Maybe later we might get back together if there is still love. Sorry for ignoring you and make you feel lonely as if i wasnt ur boyf. Sorry for nt being there when you needed me the most. Im so sorry." So after that I showed him a few of my fucked up entries. Yup. At least now I know that I did something right at least.

2012-03-10T22:41:00.001+08:00

Yup. I'm alone now. I swear to God. Alone as in alone in life. Basically I ended things with people and people ended things with me. Hadi's not my boyfriend. He WAS. And we ended it the right way too. As in now. We officially ended things the right way. The things he said was super sweet. He was the love of my life. But yeah we're over now. I officially have one rule in my first year of poly. Don't let anyone come close to hurt me or be hurt by me. Yup. I have my babygirls. And yes I would love to have new close guy friends because its less drama than girls but my gfs are really not those type of girls. That's why I love them. I'm really numb from the physical and emotional pain now so yeah I guess I end it here.

2012-03-10T14:29:00.002+08:00

He didn't mean it. He just tweeted that to get people to back off. Even asking me to retweet it. I didn't even talked to him that day. I know what's his doing.... Anyways, its not what you think. I MIA because I just needed to think. And I've actually come to the conclusion that I'm not good enough for you. I don't think I actually meet up to your expectations? Hmm I don't know. Lol this might seem so girl right now but I swear to god I really cannot compete with the other girls in your life. Or used to be in your life? Like your ex, she's so mutha fucking pretty I swear to God she's fucking beautiful despite being young. You crazy ah go to me? Go to her lah alamak. I don't know ah but since you MIA-ed idk what is different abt you but you do seem different. Maybe friend zone is what we're ever gonna be not because of the reason you said but because of what I just said about the not being good enough thing. This might be the most random thing but yeah. Hopefully I make sense ah. Cause I don't really understand it myself...zzz. Oh and it doesn't mean I'm going back to youknowhow either. I just idk ah. MIA..

2012-03-10T14:12:00.001+08:00

It was like the worst thing ever. Was gonna buy concert tickets and then I suddenly low blood pressure again fuck sia. Was going super fucking dizzy and there was this really sharp pain going through my body. literally sharp fucking pain. You know you're really fucking in pain when you actually typed out "excuse me, may I have your seat, I'm not feeling well." Into your phone and actually showed in to the person sitting infront of you. Yes I fucking did that. Lol bad time to be alone huh. Then I sibei cannot tahan I go text my mum cause I literally couldn't walk anymore. I got down the train and sat on the roadside waiting for emi to come rescue me. Dah lemah, lemah naik motor. Zzz. But I survived though. When I reached home everything was ok again. At fucking midnight, the pain started again. I forced myself to sleep. I fucking couldn't I swear. 2 hours later still same. At 3 or 4 I tried waking up mum up. But my parents didn't wake up! I was like super asgdjuufdhsdf by then. Really wanted to stop the pain. Wanted to go hospital alrdy. I lazy tell what happen next but I'm still waiting to get medical attention right now. Pain sia. Happened so many times before but this was like the worst. Now I so stress also. I got so many thing to stress abt. Work, I suppose to be working now. Concert tickets, still haven't gotten them. The concert is on monday... This pain. Relationship stress. Stress abt everything lah. Haiyo.

2012-03-08T23:22:00.000+08:00

I dont know what i'm doing. Why am i suddenly like this. I think i crazy already lah. Cannot See myself happy. Like i just cant bring myself to just hold on. I dont know you seem too good for me. I swear, i dont know why i'm so scared. Push people away. Takut. Scared. Scared. Dont wanna get hurt but Still ended up getting hurt. Lol sia. Ya Allah. How like this. Eh dia unfollow on twitter ke? Hmm. I MIA from you for awhile. Sorry. Haha, and i'm as addicted to smoking. Oh dear. No seriously. I keep buying. Haiyo. Where is my self control. Tomorrow going Town alone to go but concert tickets. K bye

2012-03-07T23:27:00.001+08:00

MIA

2012-03-07T00:03:00.001+08:00

Lazy blog so yeah. SO LONG SUCKERS. k no actually. Wait till i get bored again

2012-03-05T00:45:00.001+08:00

Hiding in the bathroom cause cnnt tahan alrdy and there's guest at my hse. Cant bElieve i kust gott slapped, punched and kicked. Infront of people. Thats life for you.

2012-03-05T00:36:00.000+08:00

Really cannot fucking handle life right now. Literally gg mental. Fuck hone. Fuck school. Jusy fuck evrtg.

2012-03-05T00:25:00.002+08:00

Fuck life seriously.

a

2012-03-03T15:41:00.001+08:00

Apa ni. Nak keluar rumah pun kena nangis. Fuck my lfie seriously.

l love you fuck

2012-03-03T12:19:00.001+08:00

Lol, I give up. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know where to even begin. Everyone broke up with me. As in you know... They left. What the fuck did I do wrong God. What. I really don't know. So fucking broken you know.fuck this sia. Fuck everything. I'm fucking building a wall for anyone who tries to get close. What's the point because everyone leaves at some point. Fuck this fucking shit.

2012-03-03T00:20:00.001+08:00

Going out now. Someone ask me out pls. Bye.

2012-03-03T00:09:00.001+08:00

My head pain. The room is fucking spinning. Like as though the walls are pushing me ard. That's why I'm on the floor now. I've cried so much today about so many different reasons. And I'm listening to taylor swift -safe and sound. Its driving me crazy. Ki ka was like telling me how I wouldn't go somewhere alone and I'll hide behind laughter and craziness. Yes, I go sentosa alone. Sat at the beach alone since 2pm. And ignored everyone calls and msgs. Sorry bout that. But I met the rest later. To find myself stress again. Hais. I fucking drank my stress away. Alone. That's why I abit siao. Was at club islander or smtg like that. Hmm... Fucking spinning. Cb the song is driving me crazy. Oh yah in the train, it was like my heart was pumping out of my chest. I put my hand on it and my literally moved up and down. Super fast. Lol so I know I wasn't just thinking that I'm going crazy. Hais. Why why why why why why why why why why why. I just. Hais. Come back. Everyone who left. Just pls come back.

2012-03-02T14:02:00.002+08:00

Lol randomly of all the things to cry about today, i cried about my grandfather. I miss him so so so so so much. If i thought life is hard on me now, it was even worst back then. I was all alone. So fucking alone through those months. It was so hard. The last day he was alright was the day i went to Bangkok. I fucking shouldn't have went. He had askEd me to helped him with the osim chair but he was too big for it. Because he's just too tall. And he was like "hmm takPe lah datuk tidur dalam bilik aje.." :c then he kept reminding me to check if i had brought all my things. Then when hadi's dad was otw tO fetch me, i said goodbye to him. And he said "datuk tak payah antar aryati kat pintu macam biasa eh. Kepala datuk sakit." and i assured him it was okay. But then while i was downstairs waiting for the car to reach, my datuk called up to me from uPstairs saying "blom pergi lagi?" he got up afterall. Love him sia :c When i got back. I called my mum and she said that she was at the hospital. Cause datuk was hospitalized. My heart was like asfdhfhfhifbfjfk. One thing i know aboutbmy datuk is that he hates clinics and hospitals. He has always ignore our offer of bringing him to doctors because he was afraid they would ward him. And it did happened. The first weeks were fine. He was normal. He was smiling. He asked for me all the time. The cousins, we all sat by his bed and make jokes. And he played along. The stupid mee soto jokes and all. It was so funny. But i swear to god everytime its time to leave i fucking teared cause i dont want him to be alone. The next month got harder and harder. Omg i was so alone those months. Friends were busy. Boyfriend didnt cared. Sigh. I would always skip class to go hospital alone. Sometimes eveb though it was late i would go by myself at like 9pm. Cause my relatives were there and i was from night study or smtg. But it got really frustratig when he nurse didnt let me in cause it was 5 mins pass visiting hours. I swear. It was fucking sad. Then his cancer got worst. He couldnt eat normally anymore. I swear its fucking sad when he so badky wanted to eat without using the tube. Imagine 3months of not tasting food. Wow, studying was so hard cause people were always at my house when he was brough back home. Lol omg it was so hard or what. Then i felt so stress. Randomly breaking down in school. My boyfriend was a bitch and A maths was a disaster. Hmm. Cant type anymore. To be continued

2012-03-02T01:53:00.000+08:00

Going to sleep fucking sad, stress and fucking pissed. Super super pissed. Yup, second lqst post before this... Dont believe in positivity. Cause..... You know, the build me up and drop me thing lol. Sumpah i fucking pissed. Mostly pissed. The only minute i wasnt pissed was when i logged into my band fanbase acc and the so many people made me laugh. See told you anything post hardcore can make me feel better. But then i realize i didnt win tixs to adtr qnd got pissed again. Sigh. Fucking fucking fuck. Lol i'm taking a Walk.

2012-02-29T22:23:00.001+08:00

Lol can I have 2 fucking years to learn malay again and then retake mother tongue for O's. I want to fucking Ace it. So that my fucking points feels like a fucking achievement to me. Why am I so stupid? Did I even deserve the spot in the 12 points course. I feel so fucking stupid. Why I very kurang ajar in my studies. Never study properlu. Why I never get A for maths. WHY? KNN CCB WHY. I blame myself so much. I let everyone down sia. Lol I remember standing behind the hall looking at everyone with Nez. LOL sia. "Lol ah ni lah budak-budak yamg semangat tapi end up tak do well." HAHA end up both same course, same school. LOL sia. I fucking stupid sia. But I deserved my points. I don't deserve the course I was accepted into. I want to retake O's ah. Get my fucking A for maths and shit. Earn my fucking spot in my fucking optometry course that I wanted so badly. Now I miss studying. Apa ni. Haiyo.

2012-02-28T23:40:00.001+08:00

I wonder how's your life without me. Should be great. Everyone's better off without me. Seriously. Ok I lazy type long long cause my arm fucking sore from the blood test. So yeah.

2012-02-27T23:48:00.001+08:00

Fucking hell. I lost my fucking best friend. My mutha fucking bestfriend. Am I that fucked up or what? Aku bodoh pe? Sial uh. See, this is why I push people away. Its either I'm too fucked up and it drives them away or they just fucking leave me just like fucking that. I don't fucking trust life to be all positive and happy. I don't fucking trust life to be like that. Just gonna build me up and just fucking drop me to the ground at some point. Bullshit. Fucking fuck. Tsk life, why you like that? Kau ni dah kenapa? Kau fikir aku tak sedih pe? Here's a big sigh for you life. SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

2012-02-27T17:19:00.001+08:00

hi, this is a story about balls. I have a friend who have big balls which shrink when kena water. True story. He tell me today at 5.15pm at Kallang.

2012-02-27T03:07:00.001+08:00

I can't blog anymore. This sucks but there's really no point now. Cause I'll still be hiding. Cause the things I wanna say are being read by the people that aren't suppose to read. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about. What the fuck. I'm abit of a fucktard aren't I? Hmm, watched videos of people dying a few minutes ago. What the fuck did I do that for. Hmm, I'm abit of a fucktard aren't I? I'm abit of a fucktard. I'm abit of a fucktard. Fucktard. Fucktard. Fucking fucktard. I'm a lot of a fucktard. What the fuck am I doing? Fuck. Is that all I can fucking say? "Fuck"!?! That's really fucking it eh? K lol, what the fuck. Sorry but what the fuck. I could have sworn it was only 1 something a few minutes ago. Now its 3?! What the fuck. Hmm no seriously. Apa aku merepek ni.

2012-02-25T02:58:00.004+08:00

I FUCKING GIVE UP ON BLOGGING ALRDY. AFTER LIKE 3 MONTHS OF STARTING BLOGGING AGAIN. HAHAHAHA CAUSE PEOPLE READ MY BLOG AND EVERYTHING ON IT IS FUCKING PRIVATE LAH. I PUT EVERY FUCKING THING ON THIS SHIT. DAMMIT I TRUST MY BLOG TOO MUCH. SIGH. OK BYE <3 i have many stalkers.

KNN FUCKING WEIRDO. REFRESH LIKE FUCK

2012-02-25T02:46:00.001+08:00

WTF HOW?

2012-02-25T02:32:00.001+08:00

But Aden, I <3 you.

2012-02-24T23:42:00.003+08:00

Me as of right now because all is well again (-:

actually you know what, scratch that. Why does life have to be so fucking perfect at one point and then be fucking fucked up the next. No I'm not saying my life is fucked up. Well not yet, well not now. Soon soon. But it gets fucking mind fucked sometimes. Like my head would fucking hurt and I'll be like what the fuck am I doing? Or like why the fuck am I alive? Like what is all this? Like fuck. WHAT? like now for example. I don't know like mind fuck. And then the world literally starts spinning round and round and shit what is this? ugh. is this depression? fucking hell.

2012-02-24T02:41:00.000+08:00

Back to real blogging. Alrights so here's a summary of my life at this exact moment. Well, I'm currently headbanging to A day to remember and getting so fucking stoked for the concert however, I have yet to head down to ticketcube to get myself 2 tickets for ADTR. And I am also so fucking upset cause no one is selling cheaper tickets for ADTR and its fucking me up. Plus i'm in still in need of money for it. I fucking swear if I don't go to the concert I would kill myself because I fucking love this band ok. Other than that, after long wait for my poly enrolment package I finally receive my NYP poly package. But fuck. The number of forms in it. Wow, sums up to be well FUCK. No seriously. And I apparently have to get ALOT of medical check up done by 9 March. Fuck. Considering my busy schedule. Well not really busy but however plans are just starting to pile up on me, so suddenly that is. And all I'm thinking is like fuck.... Republic poly have yet to send me theirs though. Heh, getting more convinced that NYP is where I belong. In addition, me and Ahneez are planning to do stupid shit everyday in school so yeah I'm really stoked for that. On the down side, my friends made me realize that I have much more feelings for someone. More than I thought. And now I'm stuck and forever feeling that aching heart flopped sinking feeling. On the plus side, my boyfriend is being really gay today. More gay than usual but that's not 'on the plus' side at all. Cause other than the fact that he's actually forcing me to help him choose what to wear for his concert tomorrow, A skylit drive/for this cause, which I will not be attending, sadly, wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, other than all that, he has also mentioned me in a tweet and said that it relates totally to us. Something about doing a mistake twice is an option. And I was just like..... So its all my fault? However, even my friends told me yesterday that he somewhat deserved all that.... I mean like come on. 9 Months with no real fucking love? say what? Well yah. And I don't know what the fuck i'm doing with my life right now. Its kinda awesome but also kinda fucked at the same time so yeah. what. the. fuck. ok.

2012-02-24T00:36:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHAHA THERE'S JUST SO MUCH A CAMERA CAN TAKE. I HAVE SO MANY VIDEOS OF ME HEADBANGING, SCREAMING, DANCING, IRRITATING MY BROTHERS, DANCING, DANCING AND MORE DANCING, AND MORE CRAZY DANCING. HAHAHHA FUCKING FUNNY.

2012-02-23T03:51:00.000+08:00

WHY AM I SO FUCKING UPSET? IS IT BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE HIM? OR MAYBE BECAUSE HE REALLY LIKES ME BACK? OR IS IT BECAUSE. I DONT FUCKING KNOW LAH. CB. SO FUCKING UPSET RIGHT NOW. PLS. DON'T. HAIS, I SWEAR TO GOD NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. NO I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS, I'M TALKING ABOUT SITUATION. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE SITUATION. AT ALL, I SWEAR TO GOD. FUCK THIS SHIT LAH. WALAO. WTYFDVWEHGFVBREJGVBNRTIGJBVRTKFDJB :-( SO MUCH FUCKING SADNESS OMFG. HEART PAIN SIA. WALAO. CB. KNN. HAIS.

2012-02-22T22:01:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHA omg my eyes are so teary because i wanna puke so bad. JUST READING THE "1000 DRINKING GAME" INSTRUCTIONS. JUSTT FUCKING REAdINg it AND I ALREADY WANNA FUCKING PUKE. WTFW TF WTF

2012-02-19T04:52:00.002+08:00

Crying because it should be impossible to care for both,

2012-02-19T03:27:00.001+08:00

His smell. His voice. His face. His smile. His touch. His presence. Him. When he holds me. When he grabs me. When he carries me. when he pulls me over to him. When he kisses me. So fucking deeply. When he just stops whatever he's doing to kiss me, holding my chin up so that my lips met his. As he plays with my hair.. When he hugs me so fucking tightly that its almost impossible to breathe. When he whispers "I love you." and adds "So much" after getting my reply of "i love you too." When he kisses every part of the face. When he pulls me closer and closer. When I can see it in his eyes. When I see our history in his eyes. All the pain, the hurt, the laughter, the fun, the love, the care, the fears, the friendship, the relationship. When its so hard trying to express how much fucking love there is that you just don't fucking know what to do but just to sit there and hug and kiss forever. When passing the smoke of a cigarette from one to another is just an excuse to kiss. but also because it was the last stick and sharing is caring. When I sit on my bed at 3 in the morning and thought that even though we were at only one place for 4 hours, what we had was beautiful.

2012-02-13T23:51:00.001+08:00

Hi, I'm in the mrt. HAHAHA got this old guy staring at what I'm typing. That's why I'm talking about him. Buat terasa sedikit. Hahha otw home from lan from near The Cathay there at doubyghaut. Cb I love that place. Shiok. Hahaha yah it was random. Wasn't suppose to go out but then this A really wanted to meet since 2 days ago. So like I always say I lazy all. Like so mean :( so yeah. Ended up having fun. Hahaa met two of his friends. one of them the perangai and the pakaian all like ikan sia. Omg I like. Like boy. But she a girl. Wahh fucking cool. Then the guy friend also like funny funny. First we both walk walk around the cathay window shop for shoes. Haaha cb we both wear vans today. Yupp. Then go daiso buy his stupid japanese popcorn. Hahaha cb funny. I bully him a lot sia today. Whack him all. I want to be the guy. He fucking girl lah walao. Then I don't let him send me home alll. Hahaha his friends all like blur say whatt its normal for a guy to do that. Well, I'm not a girl. HAHAHA I shemale. But I had fun today I guess. Yah and he said that yest I like don't want layan. Hahha I don't know why I keep doing that. Keep pushing people away. Maybe because I'm scared. I don't know. I don't wanna be hurt and I don't wanna be the one who hurt people. Tomorrow mini golf. Hehe, I won two rounds of games alrdy. I won bowling and pool. And he won in lan. Soooo tmr if I win, he must forfeit I don't care. Go uss take the stupid coaster that we both afraid off. I think I lending his mickey mouse topman toppp for tmr. Heehe happy valentines day. Oh yah cb why got this girl hugging a huge purple elephant in the mrt.

2012-02-13T02:11:00.000+08:00

And yes i'm starting to do that again............................... I'm sorry.

2012-02-13T00:41:00.000+08:00

wtf I'm doing it again. I'm pushing people away. AGAIN. AS ALWAYS. i just can't. PEOPLE PUSH ME AWAY. PEOPLE. PUSHED. ME. AWAY. TOO. THAT IS WHY. NOW IT HARD TO STOP. BECAUSE IT HURTS AND I JUST CAN'T OK. you should find someone else. no one should wanna be with me ok. just, idk just, dont.

2012-02-12T05:07:00.000+08:00

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooo i've been whattttttttttt i not eveeeenn mkving i cant see what i'm typing ane i'm not moving so i might propbably type shit t i had something to say but i gorgit i guedd. 3what? i fan;t see shit lol. nrvermind then. byw

i'm probably gonna fuvk iy so whats the point i i vant i dont . its not the same as. its not easy. its. he. we. they. us unforgettBable. i'm a sleepy urcking duck goodnight

why can't i just fucking love

2012-02-12T03:46:00.000+08:00

I just feel like doing something fucking stupid ok. YOU CAN'T FUCKING SEE IT BUT MY MIND IS FUCKING MENTAL OK. F U C K FUCKING FUCKETY MENTAL FUCK. Its like a switch. it goes on and off and on and off and fucking turn itself on again. someone get me a fucking drink. FUCKING NOW. JUST FUCKING CALL ME. AND GET ME FUCKING HIGH OK. I'M FUCKING SERIOUS. please, somebody. just fucking call me and we go get fucking mental.

i

2012-02-12T00:49:00.001+08:00

I'm not blogging anymore.

2012-02-11T03:35:00.002+08:00

Its 3am. I'm somehow tonning right now. But I just got back to wait for bro to come home so I can go out again. A has been waiting so long for me. Just now he wait 3 hours. Now he have to wait somemore. So yeah met him after his work to lepak and play guitar. Then I had to go home cause mama going Msia then must wait for her to go. Then I went out at about 12.30 and lepak again. And here I am. Again. Waiting. I hope I won't fall asleep. A is downstairs waiting. poor thing :/ Told him to balik. He never let me use my money -.- its soo annoying. I vant to cab him home also cannot. Haiyo. VHERE IS MY BRO.

2012-02-11T03:31:00.000+08:00

I know you care. You're always there for me. I don't understand why you do. I think I'm a shit bestfriend don't cha think? i'm so rude, and weird and psychic and irritating. Hehe maybe. But I'll always be here if you need me. Even if it doesn't seem like it. I'm sorry you kinda dislike him. Don't worry, he treats me right. Like a princess. But you know I'm not into that shit but its just an assurance that you don't have to worry ok (-: But I know you'll be there to kick his ass if he does. BUT no matter what, I won't forget you. I'm not those type of people ok. Because even if didn't seem like it. You're one of the people in my life that I will never forget. You're the best. You're always fucking there. To laugh at me. To make me feel like a loser. HAHAHA. To make me feel protected. To make me feel special. EH PLS EH, I DO COUNT THE NUMBER OF DAYS WE NEVER TALK OK. HAHAHA LIKE GAY LIKE THAT BUT YEAH. You get the point. hehe. Love you bestfriend.

2012-02-10T03:38:00.002+08:00

OMG PEOPLE FOUND ME MOSTLY DUE TO FARSHA. LOL SEARCH KEY WORDS FUNNY BODOH "DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE EXTREMITY OF THE FUCK I DON'T GIVE PICS" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

2012-02-10T03:32:00.001+08:00

I was going through my page views and holy crapp. I thought no one reads my blog. apparently there's people all over the world. Especially by mobile -.- 213 views today. SHIT. But anyways, he's a sweet boy ok. Not sweet as in sweet talker. But just sweet. i don't know how to define sweet but yeah. LOL no matter what i will always sleep later ok. You cannot manage to stay awake ok! But anyways, trying his best today. HAHAHA turn on all the lights and went to draw stuffs and now checking money to see if got enough to come down here to mac now cause I bloody hungry and sleepy. STOP READING MY BLOG OMG. PEACE OUT!

2012-02-10T02:31:00.000+08:00

can't believe i finished watching the fucking movie. It was like a fucking porno movie. Worst movie ever. But, kinda interesting though.... Lol fags. Valentines Day when ah? LOL.

2012-02-09T00:09:00.002+08:00

Wow today was. Productive. Lemme break it down. Woke up late. Decide which baju for koolneck to wear. Then meet. Go smoke otw to the cathay. Watch chronicles. Like a boss cause got no one. Then we buat the place like rumah. Then smoke. Walk to town. While smoking. LOL, then, buy sticky. Go take mrt to kovan. Play pool, I won k. And then bowling. I also win k. So got punishment soon. MUAHAHA. Then go smoke. Buy sushi. Then smoke somemore. Then go walk to their usually hand out to take smtg. Then go take bus to dte. Then go buy tickets to see another movie. I forget the name. LOL. Then go lepak at Pasir Ris Park for 2hrs plus. Then go watch movie. Then walk through town park. And now I'm home. OK. Productive kan. Oh yes, one pack of winston red gone.

2012-02-07T21:35:00.001+08:00

You know the bloody reason why I blog now? Its because I need somewhere to type down how I'm feeling because I can"t tweet anymore because the people I'm talking about will be able to see them. Not the case last time. Hais. Going to watch Chronicles tomorrow and I'm like ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm not good enough for this world. HAHAHA I'm not pretty enough. Not cool enough. Not smart enough. HAHAHA I'm just flawed and I don't know boring maybe. Shy as fuck. And and and hmmm weird? Yes? No? Ok.

2012-02-07T00:14:00.002+08:00

I have been ask out to go uss on tuesday. Eh yah tuesday valentines day hor. Hahahaha omg. But i think now change plans. Gonna go play mini golf, finally. Eh but i so scared. Cause. I dont know. Cause i not good enough. Cause.... Hahaha omg insecure or what. But no seriously. I Am so shy and scared and i dont want to disappoint. Sigh. Well no one needs me anymore. So i shall just dissappear from the face of the earth. LH just told someone to diam. That dude said one thing to me. And that was a week ago. Hahaha kinda funny though. Why did he do that on my b for. Siao uh le?

2012-02-06T19:47:00.001+08:00

Haha so that boy mati mati want me to plan where we meeting and I was fucking sleepy and I was like "LOL. kay if you ask me plan I say you meet me outside my door." And LH was like "ok I go there lor." And I was like "hahahaha lol then I ask u come in you will come meh?" Then he was like "yes.. U think I'm a pussy." Well he is actually -.- see my outside door there alrdy scared. So then after a long time of not replying he told me to look outside the window and I was like "what?" Then he told me to come down. So I did and he was there. LOL. Laju kepe. Yah then he came in. Lol then we watch accidentally on purpose on starworld and lepak in the room. There was a pinch of awkwardness but yeah. Hahaha stupid fella. After one month of not meeting. But anyways we went to makan at recreational center and lepak at the massage chair. LOL I realized that I am definitely ready to lose him. Not as a friend but as a boyfriend. Definitely. Hahaha we can go fine as bestfriends. Like last time. K no not best friends but I'm his best girl friend. See the space there? Girl friend. cause we end up being so fucking normal. HAHA he's gay too. He played with bear. Fucking gay shit. But anyways told him about adtr and ask if he want to go and he say he's not sure. So yeah. I lazy think of what to type alrdy. Wah cb why I everyday update one.

2012-02-06T05:27:00.002+08:00

I have been laughing ALONE for the past 1 and a half hour because we are more alike than you think! HAHAHAHA its mutha fucking funny bodoh. No wonder we same species!!!! I hab octoblast hotwheels track he also. I hab the truck storage thing, he also. And I know its not a lie cause we say at the same time and shit. OMG. HAHAHAHA this just proves that my childhood is mutha fucking awesome I tell u!

2012-02-06T03:27:00.002+08:00

I is haz a lot to blog about just now but I forgot because himshe and me almost haz the same lacoste shoes. Told yya we iz from the same species. Berd just now talk to me. He ask me to find for him picture of John from the Maine cuz he is want to cut hiz hair like that. So I is help him. Then he is say thank you and he is say sorry. And I say sorry for? And he is say everything. 0.0 then I is say happy 6th cause today is ze 2years 3months and he is say happy 6th babe. Wanna meet later? Then I is like 0.0 then he iz like at least for the last time. HAHA why is I speaking like this. Ok bye. To be continued. Muahahah oh yah tadi match draw eh! Man U and chelsea.

2012-02-05T15:16:00.001+08:00

This might seem mutha fucking funny but I'm now on the bathroom floor because I my head hurts from head banging like crazy for half an hour to Woe is me. omg I love woe is me. HAHAHA someone should really take a video of me just now. HAHAHA fucking menggila seseorang sia. HAHAHA but ow my head pain cb. HAHAHA I fucking love tyler carter but he left the band :( YOUURR MINDDD IS LIKE A CANDLESTICKKKK. IM CONSTANTLY BURNINGGGG OUTTTTTTTTTT~ omg maybe I should do this at adtr concert. All by myself. Wonder how does it feels like to be alone at a concert. HAHAHA I smell like cupcakes now because I sweat a lot. The more I sweat the more cupcake smell comes out. Body mist mahhh. HAHAHA but that's pretty cool. Ok bye. I'm about to shower and get ready, put on heels like a girl and act as though I wasn't just someone else half an hour ago. HAHAHAHA

2012-02-05T14:17:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry but i think i got a crush on someone. Its cool cause he's not a bungga sweet talker. Ugh gross. But yeah. I think only. Hahaha not confirm crushing. Cause i really suck in this crush thing so yeah. Cause like hello was with the same guy since 2009 here. Hahaha not sure he would like me back though :-( appletinicupquake or whattttt.

2012-02-05T02:16:00.001+08:00

Well he thinks I'm cool. Still does. As each day goes by I apparently get cooler and cooler. LOL that's because you get to know me better berd. He's seems to be pretty cool too actually. We"re a like in so many ways. I guess. Oh the only thing is that he doesn't listen to post-hardcore. Dammit. I need more friends who listen to post-hardcore -.- I need a band. But anyways, I don't know if he's changed but it doesn't hurt to be friends right? Not sure whether I want to go watch them play takraw next week or play soccer seems far though but I was promised a cab ride home. Hmm. Wait hold up, did somebody just fall asleep? Again? Kata aje kat twitter tak akan tertidur. HAHAHAHA so berd -.-" okay why am I posting this? I just realize that a lot of people can stalk me just by typing my name in google. SHIT!

2012-02-04T00:55:00.001+08:00

Smiling like an idiot because I'm so clever at tricking people. HAHA! I don't owe anyone a video of me playing thr guitar. I never pinky promise. Oh and I'm smiling because of Annabel and Bill. HAHAHAHA why are we so cool. Hello my name is Aryati Smk and I have an imaginary boyfriend named Bill. Oh my bloodelf friend has an imaginary girlfriend named Annabel. HAHAHA together we make a power pack couple.

2012-02-03T18:56:00.000+08:00

I did it, I finally did it. I finally fucking did it. I can't imagine being you. Not in the rude way no. I literally cannot imagine being with you. HAHA, just a few weeks ago I can imagine us at Sentosa having fun and shit but now I can't imagine shit. I have no idea why. Lol, asal eh? This is so weird omg. Just a week ago I was wondering why can't you realize that I'm always there for you and now I can't even imagine being with you. LOL now that's weird. I can't imagine playing pool anymore. HAHHA no seriously. I can remember what it was like but I can't imagine doing it again. HAHA, all the shouting at the table, the hugs, the "distractions", the free balls, nahhh I just can't. My mind is clearly telling me that you are definitely cleared out from my mind. Or maybe I'm just high right now. hmmm. LOL OK BYE.

2012-02-03T16:06:00.002+08:00

I just realize that I blog alot when I have nothing to do. Was going through the Turkey trip photos and was like "DAMN, TURKEY WAS.. DAMNNNNN." HAHA, I went to like 4 beautiful Masjid. YES WOW. 1 Half Masjid Half Church, I know weird or what. I saw 450 sheeps walked infront of me. Well not walk but you get what I mean. I was in snow for God sake. I did snow angels. I saw so many beautiful people who thought we asians were beautiful. I had dates. LOL. Kay shh. I bought my first Louis Vuitton bag which was beyond cheap for LV, $900 only. Umm, even the sky there was way more prettier than here. I was in a hot air balloon. OH HELL YEAH THAT WAS FUN. Especially the "JOM KITA MABUK!" part. FUCK FUNNY BODOH THAT PART. WHAT THE FUCK SIA. I was on the tops of buildings and got the opportunity to scream "GOOOOOOOOD MORNING" without being shut up by other people in the surroundings. I was in the most fucking coldest weather ever. I learn how to speak Turkish and learn't about their history. DUDE NIKE'S JUST DO IT SIGN WAS BECAUSE OF ANCIENT HISTORY OK. I get to stay in different hotels EVERYDAY for two weeks. THAT, was fun. Oh and I got to sneak out of the rooms and hotels all the time well that was fun too. Did you know that there's such thing as "HALAL" drinks. LOL, give me a bloody mary with no alcohol, Ah yelah. OH, I was thought to be older than my real age. YEAH THAT WAS FUN TOO. HAHHAA OH and I get to watch a fashion show. And I was given a job there. In case I had no where else to go in life, they said i should just come back there to model for them. LOL that was fun too. I get to see the Army there. LOL THEY RAISE THEIR LEG UP SO FUCKING HIGH WHEN THEY MARCH. I get to eat Turkey food OH AND CHOCOLATE WHICH IS 21CM LONG. LOL actually i did alot of stuffs but the best part was the fact that it was all with Shaz, two of us against the world everyday for 2 weeks. Fucking fun. Going home was depressing God dammit. Oh and my tour guide handsome gila babi to the max macam soccer player. HAHAHAHA Turkey is beautiful. Touring Europe soon. WOO! Paris, Switzerland, Germany wtv other countries, I'm coming for you!

OH AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY IN THE 12 HOUR FLIGHT TO TURKEY, I WAS WATCHING BOTH PARTS OF THE DEATHLY HALLOWS AND I WAS GOING CRAZY. ESPECIALLY WHEN DRACO AND VOLDEMORT HUGGED. WTF THAT WASN'T PLANNED OMG. HAHAHAH FUCKING FUNNY. AND IT WAS LIKE 5AM AND EVERYONE WAS SLEEPING AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE WIDE AWAKE AND LAUGHING. ALONE. HAHHAA LIKE A FUNNY.

2012-02-02T23:16:00.001+08:00

Lol, today is a good night. That lil bastard randomly dmed me. Lol he caved in first. LOL BRO WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU. YOU NO STAND IT I NVR APOLOGISE FIRST? lol. Wake up, I'm gone bro. Unless you can make up for every fucking thing. OH and another good part of the night is that someone just called me cool again. Pretty and cool. Pretty cool. LOL "Y he so stupid. Open his eyes la! U so pretty and cool. So pretty cool. Idk what he see in other girls" awww. Bro love for the bloodelf <3 Oh and another part is that I watched alvin and the chipmunks 3 today and I'm gonna go watch real steel now. Pretty productive night. LOL. i've been wasting my days away for so long that I don't even know what day it is. Oh k now I know. WHAT! TOMORROW IS FRIDAY?! THAT FAST? OMG. WHAT. WHAT WHAT. WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE. OMG. K i need someone to go with me to the adtr concert. thank you very much. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I WANT THE DRESSES ON THE TOP. OMG IT WOULD MAKE ME SEEM A LIL GIRLY. FUCK I WANT IT SO BAD.

2012-02-02T18:49:00.000+08:00

I've been sitting here in front of the laptop with guitar for like 3hr plus now and I still haven't decide if I should actually record a video with my face in it while playing...... LOL I'm just not that person who makes covers ok. But then someone almost made me PINKY PROMISE TO MAKE A VIDEO. FUCK.

tengah high pe?

2012-02-02T17:07:00.001+08:00

HAHAHAHA SO I FOUND VIDEOS OF ME AND SHAZ FROM TURKEY CB WE CRAZY BODOH. HAHAHHAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH and I'm not gonna show them all here because.......... its crazy. lol. can't believe we went to walk around late at night at the park all and almost got lost... HAHAHAHA and kidnapped. I vant to die my hair red again. Watched victorious today and fell in love with Ariana Grande again. Lol i missTurkey.

2012-02-02T14:58:00.001+08:00

Lol I slapped myself because I was smiling like an idiot watching dear John. Well you know, the good part. Lol....

2012-02-01T00:52:00.003+08:00

I HAD ENOUGH OF FEELING LIKE I'M FUCKING STUPID. WHY CAN'T I JUST GET INTO THE FUCKING BETTER SCHOOL GOD DAMMIT. CB. THIS FUCKING SUCKS LAH. UNSUPPORTIVE BITCHES.

2012-02-01T00:42:00.001+08:00

WTF AND I THOUGHT YOU FUCKERS WERE FUCKING SUPPORTIVE. GO FUCK YOURSELF LAH. AKU DAH PENAT PENAT DPT COURSE TU SEMUA ABEH SKRG BARU KAU NAK CKP TU SEMUA. SIAL. PUKIMAK KAU LAH SIAL. APA MOTIVE AKU PERGI AMEK COURSE TU KALAU AKU DAH MATI MATI TAKNAK. I GOT THE FUCKING OPPORTUNITY TO GO FOR A FUCKING GOOD COURSE. CUT OFF POINTS SAMPAI 12. KAU NAK AKU GI COURSE LAIN. CB KALAU MATI MATI AKU AMEK TU COURSE KAU JAGA. KAU FUCKING JAGA. AKU TAK AKAN BUAT KERJA SEMUA SAMPAI AKU KENA KICK OUT. I FUCKING SWEAR CB. SIAL. PUKI. FUCK SIA. CB. TAHU AKU TAK AMEKK JPSAE SEMUA PUKIMAK SIAL. BODOH. CB. DEGRADING. DEMORALISING. FUCKING ASSHOLE. FUCK SIA. CB. K. AKU DAH TAKNAK BUAL DENGAN KAU. DAN SUAMI KAU. DAN APA LAGI LAH. CB. FUCK. SIAL. ADA HATI NAK BRIBE LAGI 'I GIVE YOU NEW LAPTOP.' SIAL. ABEH AKU MATI MATI NAK IKUT HATI AKU KAU CKP 'K THEN YOU GET NOTHING. I DON'T GIVE YOU MONEY ANYMORE' WHAT THE FUCKETY FUCK SIA. CB. KANINA. MCM SIAL. BODOH. BODOH, BODOH. TAK KE CAM CB. SIAL

2012-01-30T20:39:00.002+08:00

Lol Hadi babi sia. Sumpah sia. Lol twitter. THIS IS FUCKING WAR I TELL YOU. COME AH! NAK INDIRECT LAGI AH? MARI CUM. I don't tell people we're over. I tell them THE TRUTH. Kau sendiri baca pe chat tu. Aku blg dia yang we time off. Fuck, its the facts.

2012-01-30T09:31:00.000+08:00

I feel like I owe the whole world to Allah. To God. Chey, but no seriously. I get another chance to live a whole new life. LOL, no seriously. I'm done with secondary school life, I'm done with boyfriend dramas, I'm single now. Officially. I don't care, "take a break" or not, I'm taking that as Single because you sir have no rights to pin me down in a situation like that anymore. BECAUSE I'M LIVING A WHOLE NEW LIFE BABY. OK LOL OK SO THIS IS WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. I woke up today to read "MOE: NOR ARYATI BINTE SHEIRK MOHMAD K, you are posted to Republic Poly PHARMACEUTICAL SCIENCES UNDER JAE. AND I WAS A LIL HAPPY FUCK BECAUSE I LIKE THAT SHIT. I LIKE LEARNING ABOUT DRUGS AND HAIR DYES AND SHIT AND GET TO GO TO LABS WEAR WHITE COATS AND THE PEOPLE GOING RP ARE ALL MY FRIENDS. BUT THEN, I WONDER WHY MY JPSAE NEVER EVEN SAY ANYTHING TO ME OR LIKE TEXT ME OR WTV SO THIS MAYANG TOLD ME TO CHECK THE WEBSITE AND OMG SDFGHUDWEHFERIUHFNTRIUGHBEG I GOT IN TO DENTAL HYGIENE NYP THE ONLY DENTAL COURSE IN SINGAPORE AND AND AND HANISAH WILL BE IN IT. BUT ITS MY SECOND CHOICE FOR JPSAE. MY FIRST CHOICE IS MY OPTOMETRY OF COURSE, BECAUSE I. LIKE. DIGGING. EYEBALLS. SO NOW I'M STUCK. I DONT KNOW IF I WANNA ACCEPT DENTAL OR NOT BECAUSE DENTAL IS FUCKING 12 POINTS. AND PHARMACEUTICAL = 18 OR 19 OR SMTG LIKE THAT. AND RP IS FAR, NYP IS NOT AS FAR. I DENTAL MY SECOND CHOICE. PHARMACEUTICAL MY 3RD. BOTH I LIKE. BOTH I LOVE. NOW I STUCK. HOW NI. OMG. WHEN MAMA CALLED ME AND SAY "I'M SO PROUD OF YOU." OMG I WANTED TO CRY. NO SERIOUSLY. I HAVE NEVER HEARD THAT SENTENCE FOR REAL BEFORE. YES SHE JOKE ARD SAYING "YAH LAH YAH LAH I PROUD OF YOU LAH BABY." ALL THE TIME BUT THIS IS LIKE SDFGHUDIHEWF ITS LIKE ACTUALLY MEANINGFUL. HAHAHAHHAHA! IT WAS FUCKING GAY I TELL YOU. BUT IT WAS FOR REAL. LIKE NOT THE JOKING TYPE. WAH, FROM THE "CB,FUCK I CANNOT GET IN TO ANY COURSE I WANT" TO THE "HMMMM WHICH ONE SHOULD I ACCEPT." ALHAMDULLILAH. I CAN TURN HOLY NOW NO KIDDING. THANK YOU GOD, THANK YOU SO MUCH. NOW I FEEL LIKE THE LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD OF RESULT POSTING. PEACE OUT.

2012-01-28T02:03:00.008+08:00

Actually you know what, this is how much I've been left alone. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to. Maybe because I was younger then or maybe because I wasn't used to not having you around. I mean yeah I admit it my face is a lil sticky from tears but its something I can get over. I'm not on my bathroom floor right now thinking I should actually cut myself or anything. Or like literally bawling my heart out. HA, nah. DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOU LIED. YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING LIED. I'm pretty cool about it. Lol, but you see. It's a first love kinda thing. No matter how bad you hurt me, I'll never be over you. I compare you to every guy and no one is you. It's really hard because I hate you but fucking love you so much at the same time. Maybe I don't hate you... Maybe I just hate the things you did. It's hard to explain.

WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT PICKING UP THE PIECES?

"You didn't love her. You just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was just good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love her. Because you don't destroy people you love."

So now I'm officially foreveralone.

2012-01-27T23:52:00.004+08:00

Hahaha lol. I wanna cry. But if I do then I know I'm not strong enough and I know that I won't be able to stop. Hold me :(

you said you wanted to be alone. you said you weren't gonna talk to other girls but here I am watching you chat about and to a girl. You lied. You actually lied. And now I'm super sad. And my bro is forcing me to eat with him but I can't because I swear to God tears will start to fall later. I swear.

2012-01-27T23:06:00.002+08:00

"I need to talk to you." OK ITS OFFICIAL. I. AM. GOING. TO. BE. FOREVER ALONE. FUCK. LOL, GONNA GO DIE NOW. NO SERIOUSLY.

EH FUCK. HOW. I DONT WANT TO GO THROUGH SHIT AGAIN. MY HEART. IS LIKE..BAMMMMMMMMMM! RIGHT NOW. :( AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. EMOTIONALLY CRUMBLED. DESTROYED.

WTF. "I WANNA BE ALONE. FOR AWHILE. I SWEAR I NVR TALK TO OTHER GIRLS." EH SIAL. LIKE AS THOUGH WE WERE REALLY TOGETHER TOGETHER. HAHA. OK LAH. AKU PUN DAH BIASA. K CAN. LET'S GO. but I'm still saving for the tickets. Ok bye.

2012-01-26T14:51:00.002+08:00

CB I FUCKING BIPOLAR OKAY CAN. HAHAHA! OMG I AM FUCKING BIPOLAR. 34 MORE DAYS TILL I CAN BUY MY CONCERT TICKETSSSSSS. BOOOYAH. OH AND FUCK, DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE, THE CAB, EVANESCENCE, FOO FIGHTERS AND FUCKING SUM 41 IS COMING. I HAVE LIKE A FUCKING HUGE ASS SUM 41 POSTER FRAMED IN MY FUCKING CLOSET. AND CB DUIT MANA NAK DAPAT BROOO. HAHAHA. OH YAH THAT PICTURE WAS LIKE FROM...... LAST WEEK. MUAHAHHAA. LOL, HIGH HERE. K BYE.

2012-01-26T11:48:00.000+08:00

Lol you know you were in love when you used to raid your boyfriend's refrigerator and stole some of his food. Go to his room and said "oi, I'm stealing your chips. Oh and your coke too. Imma be outside smoking." And he does nothing but play his game. HAHAHAHAHA lol.

2012-01-26T03:19:00.001+08:00

The day I start going to sleep early, will be the day I stop crying myself to sleep. I hate it. I hate it so much. It makes me feel vunerable. And that sucks because I'm suppose to be a strong person and this makes me think that maybe I'm not at all strong. What is wrong with me? I'm mean seriously. Why? Why don't I fucking matter? Maybe I'm really not good enough afterall. Like seriously. That must be it. Because I just don't fucking get it. I miss you so much. I wish you knew. I miss you so so much it fucking hurts. Maybe you just need to realize it. Realize all the shit I've done. Realized everything. I read something today and it goes like this. "A man asked a boy, "what is love?" And he replied saying, "love is when a puppy licks your face." The man laughed but then the boy continued saying "even after you left him alone all day.". I guessed I'm the puppy. Sigh. Please realize. Please please please please please. Do you know that I sometimes don't go to sleep with my bear because every single time I hug it to sleep, Its like I imagine it was you and the reason sometimes I don't go to sleep with it is cause I got to thinking and thought I don't want to hug you today because it makes me sad. Please realized. Please please. I need money so bad. So I could take you to concerts. Remember Alesana? Yeah, the concert was on September, I bought the tickets in fucking December 2010. Yes we broke up by then. But I thought, maybe. Maybe there's a possibility that you and I. We're still connected. I've never given up. I've never give up hopes on us. You don't even know it. You didn't even know I bought those tickets for us. You didn't even know how badly I wanted to spend time with you. I didn't told you. I told you my bro got extra tickets. Hah, who am I kidding. That concert wasn't all that fun with us argueing. But the most hurtful part was when you didn't appreciate it. You didn't fucking appreciate the fucking ticket. You thought it was NOTHING. You talk as though it was a extra ticket that didn't want to go to waste. Even after I said I did a fucking lot just to get those from my bro. Le sigh. The things I do for love. Lol fuck myself. Lol I should really private my blog. Cause my posts are really starting to get real personal. Hais. Takpe lah. Aku kan siapa. Aku tak penting. Tak penting langsung. Semua orang dalam dunia ini lagi penting dari aku. Aku tak kisah kalau kau fikir macam gitu.tapi favor uh.seriously favor uh, jangan buat aku macam tali pinggang kau, gunakan bila diperlu sahaja. Omg see, I speak malay already sia. Wtf. Shit. Alahai. God, please please please please please I'm begging you, please. Make him realize. Because I love the fuck outta him. K, as soon as I get out of mobile blogging, imma delete or private this shit. Haha, feel so emogirl suddenly. Lol, whatever happen to fuckitbandgeekgirl.

AaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2012-01-26T03:05:00.000+08:00

2012-01-24T23:04:00.002+08:00

I SWEAR, I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I try to be but I can never be enough. And that kills me.

2012-01-24T18:42:00.001+08:00

WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, RUNNING AROUND LEAVING SCARS. COLLECTING YOUR JAR OF HEARTS.

2012-01-18T00:20:00.003+08:00

Holy crap it hurts so bad. not the emotional pain. Physical pain. Ahh omg why am I even still typing. Ya cause due to my normal weird behaviour, my family thinks its normal for me to look like I'm in so much pain. OMG what is that pain?! Same effing pain when I got my results. r45yyyy4w5s 75aq bYE

that awkward moment when a ghost is stronger than you at opening a door. no no wait, the awkward moment when a ghost dont let you open a door when you're in pain and that ghost happens to be your only friend. LOL BOOYAH, weird. and this was edited. i'm fine. don't read my shit seriously.

2012-01-17T23:15:00.001+08:00

I almost felt guilty drinking.

2012-01-17T22:48:00.003+08:00

Fuck. Yeah great way to start a post. FUCK. I swear unlike anyone else, I have no fucking life. I'm like all alone. And I swear everyone always seems to be having way more fun than me. lol, I'm always going to places alone or at least I have no other choice but to go alone. Dammit, I need new people in my life. God dammit. Hmm maybe someone who does the same shit as me all the time. Fanboy. Yes, yes fanboy would be good. Lol kay actually I do have a fanboy with the name LH but he's also one of those people who seem to have something to do all the time. Wait no actually he doesn't. Hmmmmmmm. LOL ok. fuck it.

Oh yah I'm also very flawed and ugly and I can't compete with this society of pretty chicks. No, I'm not just being insecure. Seriously. OH wait, yah I still haven't gotten a call for Interview for poly so yeah life sucks. bye.

2012-01-15T23:24:00.002+08:00

I AM SO FUCKING DEPRESS RIGHT NOW CAUSE EARLY BIRD TICKETS FOR A DAY TO REMEMBER SOLD OUT THE MOMENT I WOKE UP AND NOW I HAVE TO PAY ANOTHER 20 BUCKS EXTRA AND I CANT GET MY TICKETS YET CAUSE I DONT GOT MY PAY PAL AND ITS really really depressing that people are fucking tweeting to my fanbase asking if i got my tickets yet and i'm just like "nuhhhh :-/"

2012-01-13T01:50:00.003+08:00

Reassurance is the best. When someone reminds you of how important you are to them, how they still care for and love you, it's like so much weight has been lifted off your shoulders. A big relief, that they're still there. Reassuring, catching up on things. It's a good feeling.

2012-01-13T01:38:00.000+08:00

I’m stubborn, bitter and difficult. I provoke arguments to get a rise out of people, because I get bored with daily life. I don’t take into consideration their feelings. I overreact over the smallest of things just to start an argument, even though I don’t intend to do it. To be honest, it’s almost as if there’s a trigger in my brain that goes off when something is too perfect. I just need to mess it up a little. Like, when your bedroom is nicely organized, which is rare, right? You just need to ruffle your sheets or throw some clothes on the floor. That’s my life.

I’m used to being alone, because my inability to let people love me fucks up every relationship I’ve ever had.

I’m a bitch who loves to have the upper hand. I will fight you to the grave, shoving your face in the dirt. I will make you feel like shit. I am a manipulator.

But at the same time; I have the biggest heart a person could have. I love with all that I am. I give myself completely away, and that’s my mistake. I trust people with my entire self and then when I become vulnerable, they hurt me. Which is why over the years, I have built this bullshit fence around myself like a shield.

I find it easier to push someone away before they get too close.

Why am I admitting these things to the world? It will only make you hate me.

2012-01-12T02:09:00.002+08:00

YOU KNOW WHAT IMMA DO. I'M NOT GONNA TEXT YOU OR ANYTHING. YOU DO IT FIRST. THIS IS GONNA PROVE ME FUCKING RIGHT THOUGH BUT WTV. THIS IS GONNA SUCK THOUGH AND I WILL BE FUCKING DEPRESS AGAIN CAUSE I KNOW THE NEXT TIME YOU PROLLY TALK TO ME WOULD BE A LONG LONG LONG TIME IF I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING FIRST. but i'm scared. i'm scared if we didn't communicate for very long you think its over between us. Like you know those people who just suddenly don't talk anymore and like break up just like that. hanging...

I JUST DON'T FUCKING GET IT. YOU TELL YOUR FRIENDS NO ONE FUCKING WANTS YOU AND SHIT BUT WTF. HERE I AM LOVING THE FUCK OUTTA YOU CB. HERE THE FUCK I AM. WHEN NO BODY WANTS YOU. WHEN SHE, NO WAIT THEY FUCKING REJECTED YOU. WHERE THE FUCK WAS I? OH WAIT A MINUTE, I WAS THERE. STANDING BY THE FUCKING SIDE. TELLING YOU THEY ARE FUCKING WORTHLESS AND STUPID. Dude.. I like how we are. I think its pretty cool since we are actually just kids. But i just don't feel fucking appreciated. That's all. All i ever fucking wanted for my fucking birthday was for you to fucking wish the fuck outta me. just one fucking wish at 12 fucking midnight or maybe slightly later than that but no. god dammit no. i just had to wait the fucking hell for 11 hours later for you to wish me which went smtg like "oh hey, i'm not good at wishes but happy birthday" YEAH I KNOW. WE HAD FUCKING ARGUMENT BUT COME ON. i loved you. no wait love you. just pls for once just once. after fucking 7 months of not hearing it. just say it. 3 words, 8 letters and i'm fucking yours.

2012-01-07T00:03:00.001+08:00

I MISS MY BESTFRIEND. YOU LAH.

2012-01-06T00:14:00.003+08:00

I dream. Somewhere fancy. I was at. Elevator music. It won't stop. It was loud and it just keeps on playing on and on and on. pretty fucked up music too if you ask me. The elevator stopped. the lights flickers. The sounds the wires make due to short circuit. i heard it. i pushed the door open. it wasn't difficult. I squeezed myself through the small space i made in between the elevator doors. i had to push myself upwards cause the floors wasn't leveled. because the elevator stopped halfway between 5th and 6th floor. I popped my head out of the elevator. the lights were off. it wasn't dark though. i see fancy chairs and doors. there was no one. I wasn't out yet. the powers went on. the elevator clicked. the doors jammed itself on me. the elevator moved upwards. Blood was every fucking where. Moments later i was wondering where my bottom half went. where my legs were.. they are after me.

2012-01-05T00:52:00.004+08:00

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES HAS ALRDY KILLED ME A HUNDRED AND EIGHTY TWO TIMES THAT I ACCEPTED HADI TO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER. IDK WHAT'S THE RELATION BUT WE SHOULD JUST FUCK IT & YES THAT IS A HEART SHAPE. K.

OH YES, MAY SOME PRECIOUS SOUL OF GOD OUT THERE TELL ME IF GUYS FEEL SOMETHING IF GIRLS, PREFERBLY SOMEONE WHO LOVES THEM TWEET/BLOG/TUMBLR/WRITES OR WTV ABT THEM. BASICALLY LIKE PUBLICLY PUBLISHING ABT THEM. HOW DO THEY FEEL ABT THAT? DO THEY FEEL HAPPY? CAUSE I'M TELLING YOU, GIRLS LOVE THE FUCK OVER THAT SHIT.

2012-01-04T22:54:00.002+08:00

WHY THE FUCK AM I SO GAY? THE STRAIGHT IN ME HAS ALRDY TAKEN OVER TO ACCEPT THINGS AS THEY ARE. BUT NOOOOOOOO. AFTER WATCHING SO MUCH FUCKING EPISODES AFTER EPISODES OF SOME MANY FUCKING SHOWS I REALISE MY LIFE SUCKS BECAUSE HE DOESNT REPLY ME ALL THE TIME. LOL HOW FUCKING GAY IS THAT. BLAME SHOWS ON TEENAGE EXPECTATIONS. LAST WARNING EH. YUP, OK DONE.

So gimme a little more

2012-01-04T19:11:00.002+08:00

Somebody tell that boy that he's an irritating idiot but i luv him and no one else other than his mum could luv him the same.

I POST LIKE DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES ALREADY IN 1 HOUR

2011-12-07T04:17:00.002+08:00

I miss my babygirl, Tiffany. I miss how we were in Sec 3. Two of us against the world. This year kinda sucked. Its been more of like you against the world for Adri. And me against the world just to be against it. Sigh. Things could have been different. Better. Way better. Cause 2011 sucked so bad. NOTHING ABOUT IT WAS EVEN GOOD. LIKE THE BADNESS OF IT JUST KEPT COMING AND IT WOULDN'T STOP. YEAH IT SUCKED. IT STARTED WITH ALL THE BREAK UPS. HOW TO GO THROUGH A YEAR OF SCHOOOL LIKE THAT YOU TELL ME! THEN THAT GIRL, WASN'T REALLY THERE. DA FUG. NOW I RMBR HOW MAD I AM! Sheesh, no wonder I'm different. I went through a year of HOLY FUCKING SHIT ALONE. Even got used to it. DA FUCK.

2011-12-07T04:10:00.002+08:00

EH HOW NOT FUNNY. MY FRIEND HAVE STRONG FEELINGS FOR DUMDUMDUM TAU. THEN LATER HOW IF DUMDUMDUM SUDDENLY SPOKE THE TRUTH. LATER LIKE JENGJENGJENG. SIGH.

2011-12-07T04:04:00.000+08:00

ALAMAK NOW YOU SEE, YOU SEE! MY FRIEND IS GONNA GET HURT. SUMPAH. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I FEEL BAD NOT DOING ANYTHING. I'M NOT EVEN PART OF IT BUT ALAH HOW NI. HAHAHA LATER MY FRIEND SAD AH. LIKE NOW I KNOW THE TRUTH THEN I LIKE FEEL MY HEART LIKE WANT TO BREAK ALREADY SIA SEE THE BLOG BUT THEN HAIYO. WHAT TO DO.. WHAT TO DO. HAHAHA

2011-12-07T03:55:00.002+08:00

I get hurt when people is hurt. I know it might seem weird and strange and kinda stupid cause I can't possibly be feeling what they're really feeling but i do. Period. December 23 2010, a friend of mine was hurt. I was the one crying like a mother fuck. HAHAHA. It hurts. I know. Team foreverheavyheart mah. HAHAHAHA. never seen me cry watching my favorite shows before right! HAHAHA you are who you are when no one's looking. Pretty Little Liars, Gossip Girl, Vampire Diaries, SKINS HOLY SHIT SKINS, switched at birth, How I met Your Mother (i think). HAHAHA ALL THIS SHOWS FUCKING SAD ONE OK. MUST FEELING FEELING. MUST LET YOURSELF FEEL THE HEAVY HEART AGAIN THEN WATCH OK. THEN CAN BE LIKE 'HOLYSHIZZLEPUFF THE FUCK ARE THEY TRYNA DO, KILL ME? WALAO MUST WAIT NEXT SEASON SOME MORE, WANT ME TO DIE AH' FEELING. And I blame hurt.. HAHAHAHAHAHA! k lah bye lah.

2011-12-07T03:38:00.003+08:00

And its the epic failure blogger me again. HAHA. K so I realised, I'm exactly where I was a year ago. Except now I'm on the floor. I have no room. I have a maid. And I forever now can't think about what time Datuk's gonna reach home so I can move outta the bed. Funny how things stay the same but still be very different at the same time. At least now I'm not confuse. I'm not having mini heartattacks anymore. Or like depression. HAHA. Yeah but I wished I hadn't done so many things wrong though. At least then by now we'd be awesome. K, i have to shit. Yes food poisoning from Jakarta trip. NICE. Peace out.

like him

2011-12-03T19:15:00.002+08:00

So i know this guy. didn't really notice him for all of my life. don't even know. never my friend before. ever. in my whole 4 years of School. then a bunch of people went out together. and this guy, seemed nice. was nice. was friendly. funny. stupid kinda. well, k nevermind. i just think. k, nevermind. bye.

you don't have to understand

2011-11-07T22:39:00.002+08:00

Dear God

"I don’t have any problems. I don’t want to be skinny. Mind you, I’m already skinny enough. I won’t get upset for eating too much. I don’t want to runaway from home. I have a great family who does cares for me no matter what. I am not a loner or emo. I have great friends. I mean really great friends. I don’t do drugs. Smoking? Yes but I’m getting pass that. I don’t drink like fuck. So why do I feel so down? Why do I hate feelings? Maybe. Maybe I’m just a lil too heartbroken.

Yes, I am too young but there’s no age limit for you to fall in love. I swear I think its stupid. I laugh at myself at random all the time for having such emotions. Like seriously? In love? Bitch, please. But at the same time I find myself crying to sleep, most of the time. I mean god dammit I have split emotional issues. HAHA! I just fucking want to be myself again. I can’t stand it no more. I don’t want the butterflies in me anymore. It won’t go away. I don’t want it to be hard to breathe no more. I don’t want to have my heart scream every fucking time I think of him. I don’t want to start shaking and then drop down and cry every fucking time I dream, hear my old songs or worst still, see that faggot with another girl. I want to stop going to my friends every fucking time I feel vulnerable. Its fucking the worst feeling in the world. So dear god, I’m not asking for a lot. I didn’t even wish for anything on my birthday. So please god, just help me forget. Just take the pain away.

Love, me."

Yes, i'm posting this again. This was officially last year. Oh how hurt I was. Damn. I was seriously damn fucking hurt. I could still feel it. I could still feel the hurt. The clenching feeling in my tummy but it would never hurt as much as it did then. I was fucking in tears when I typed all of that. I was sitting under the table. Crying my heart out. And typing all that shit down because I couldn't take it anymore. I was so fucking alone. so so fucking alone. I didn't even want to live back then. The only reason I was even alive back then was hope. Hope that he would find his way back to me someday. Well, he kinda did. I guess. Well, we did talk alot. Haha, oh yeah we talked. I still remembered feeling so much fucking butterflies. Which lasted for about 5 minutes and after that, well. Let's just say I felt as though i was slap by the fridge. I didn't know why it was worth it though. Feeling like it could possibly work for like 5 minutes and then felt even worst after. Yeah well, I loved that boy. Alot. I would do anything for that boy. Heck, I'm kinda still doing the same thing now. I would do anything for that boy. And boy, that kinda sucks. Don't know whether he knows it or not though. Well fuck it. Like whatever you know. I love genuinely. I don't do things to get love back. I gotta earn it back. Yeah he might have hurt me but I've hurt him too. I don't know what's up. I just feel like this is all karma. Yeah call it, karma.

2011-11-07T22:35:00.001+08:00

And so I'm bored again.

its not even the end of the exams yet and I'm already bored.

Having second thoughts that the break after exams won't be as exciting as I thought it would be. Other than the chalet/Surabaya trip with SNO and my big Turkey trip. So umm, I'm moving to Turkey? HAHA. So yeah, bye.

2011-11-06T20:23:00.001+08:00

Oh god, i thought i can never log into here again. Couldn't remember my password. HA! Stupid girl. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG WHY LIFE LIKE SO............. berd. I say its berd because I can't explain berd. So basically its unexplainable. Like seriously. What am I doing sia? Seriously? Today my 2nd year Anniversary with Luthfil Hadi. Hmmm K. Chey no lah. Not k. Hahaha kay bye. i want buy cig.

2011-09-27T02:27:00.002+08:00

One day, my hair is gonna be fucking red. I shall get up there and scream. I'll show you, fuck. hopefully.

2011-09-26T23:57:00.002+08:00

Dear God

I don’t have any problems. I don’t want to be skinny. Mind you, I’m already skinny enough. I won’t get upset for eating too much. I don’t want to runaway from home. I have a great family who does cares for me no matter what. I am not a loner or emo. I have great friends. I mean really great friends. I don’t do drugs. Smoking? Yes but I’m getting pass that. I don’t drink like fuck. So why do I feel so down? Why do I hate feelings? Maybe. Maybe I’m just a lil too heartbroken.

Love, me.

(this was in my tumblr 10 months ago, omg)

2011-09-26T23:52:00.000+08:00

When I was little, I used to take this school bus from my Kindergarten. I remembered I used to shut my friends up so I could look out the window to focus on this boy despite always being the noisy-est there. He was a cute boy. I swear he would grow up to be so so cute one day. I used to wave at him with a huge smile on my face. And he used to run down the slopes as he saw the bus approaching and eventually find my face to wave and smile back to. I didn’t know how I knew him. Its lost in my memories but I hope one day I’ll remember. Because not a year pass without me not remembering him for at least once. I need to know him. I need to know that he is still in my life despite me knowing or not. He made my heart flutters, despite being so so young. I felt as though he was once my best friend. Maybe? I wouldn’t know & that’s the most saddest part of all. Come to think of it, he might be my best friend in Nursery. Well, I hope so. Wish I could remember just his name though <3

2011-09-26T23:18:00.001+08:00

You say “k” a lot, & it looks as if you don’t care. You say “lol” a lot, & it looks as if you’re faking. You reply so late, & it looks as if you don’t want to talk to me. I always talk to you first, & it looks as if you’re getting annoyed. But that’s alright with me, I just want you to know that even though I’m feeling sad by the way we talk to each other, even though I’m boring & annoying towards you, I want you to know that I’ll always be there for you, waiting, because there isn’t a day that I can go on without talking to you.

2011-09-26T20:17:00.001+08:00

After all these months, all this time, so much has happened. The talks, the phone calls, the laughs, and the feelings. If I were to look back on them, I would never believe that, that person was once me. I wouldn’t recognize that girl because she’s so different from me. But I guess changing & moving on is part of growing up. I’m growing up and finding out what kind of person I want to be for the rest of my life. And maybe in the future, there are more changes to come, but as for right now, this is who I’m proud to be.

2011-09-26T01:32:00.001+08:00

FUCKING HELL, JANUARY 31 2009's POST IS FUCKING FUNNY.

WHERE"D YOU GO

2011-09-26T01:15:00.002+08:00

omfg. I remembered my fucking password. Wow been like a year since I last updated. See, I suck at being a girl. I can never keep a diary. I would never use it for a long time. Right now I have no idea why I'm even bothered to do this, no one would even read this shit anyway. HAHA!

I've been 'cleaning' my laptop and I found so many things in it. Stupid things, sweet things, memorable things, idiotic things, kental things. Just oh so many. And I've realised that in this four fucking years of my secondary school life, I've been basically a lil different every year. Secondary one, i was a fucking girl. I brought a fucking handbag to school. WTF. Secondary two, I've gone 'All friends' mode. Secondary three was a fucking 'boyfriend year'. And secondary four has been nothing but pure endurement, pain, a little more maturity and alot more impatient to get out of this fucking shit you call school. Hahahaha, i've realised through all this searching through my laptop that I've was this super happy all the time, happygolucky girl. BUT I also took things wayyy too seriously. Oh wait no, I took everything but LOVE way too seriously. I fucking saved every fucking conversations, be it facebook or fucking msn, if it means something to me, I would save it. HAHAHA! And i also realised mutha fuckingly how the people I was chatting to back then have changed too. I fucking swear, everyone change. I kinda miss the old version of everyone. The lower secondary us. People were wayy nicer back then and life didn't seem too tense back then. Oh well, that's life. I can't even explain what I'm feeling now.

OH YAH, FUCK THE WORLD. Im still not over the fact that every fucking people didn't follow the rules of Tumblr. If only EVERYONE followed the fucking rules, I bet Tumblr would be a lot more fun cause people wouldnt be talking about it, posting on facebook a hell lot of times about shit and people will have more privacy. BITCH! TUMBLR WAS MY FUCKING LIFE FOR LIKE FUCKING 3 YEARS. AND NOW ITS RUIN. DANG.

WORD YO

2010-12-15T23:50:00.002+08:00

Yes, I am effing not logical when I keep on saying I'm scared of this, and I'm afraid of that. I meant that in the most hilarious way ever. Yes, when something is beyond funny I would say I'm scared. But! When you say any word. YES any word, be it funny or gross whatever, if I say I'm scared, I mean it. I am more afraid of words more than anything esle other than God. Words are a good thing, yes. Words, are what make the funniest sentences. Words creates the most inspiring quotes. Words describe the most extraordinary people and words are what I use now to voice my opinions but words are the most scariest thing I have to ever encounter each and every single day. I struggle with finding the right words, words sometimes mean the most hurtful things. Words are what people use in arguments, words are what people use to end relationships. Words break hearts. Words leave you in the worst emotional state ever. No scratch that, words make you feel like you're in the worst emotional state ever. And feelings sucks. Words. Ha! They're scarier than any paranormal activity I've ever encountered.